my life:an ordinary miracle

I've decided to leave livejournal.com for a new blogsite.
http://janetfraser.blogspot.com/

hope to see you there!

A few times in my life, I've been asked to describe my family life. This question is most easily answered with, it's kind of like a musical.

I love musicals.
Second only to loving Jesus in our home, for me, was the need to pass on a love of musical theatre. I cannot take full credit for this... Michael too was weaned on musicals, Paint Your Wagon and Hair are two examples and perhaps the person deserving the most credit is his younger sister Kathleen, who provided them with ample opportunities to star in multiple musicals at the renowned Willow Pond Wilderness Camp each summer growing up.
My Favorite Movie: Sound of Music
My Favorite Musical: Les Miserable
1 of the Top Ten Moments of Glee in my lifetime: The first time I saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Well, my niece forwarded this link to me today and I had to share... this would pretty much be a dream trip to the mall for our extended family.



The group who pulled this off is Improve Everywhere... they're almost reason enough for me to sell everything and move to New York so I can be part of it... you can check out a story on them in the first episode/first season of This American Life's TV Show... (available on itunes for a couple of bucks). The best gig ever was the improv... the prank is let's find a struggling band and give them the best gig of their life. It's a very poignant story about truth and whether we really want it.

I'm reviewing a John Ortberg Menlo Park Presbyterian Sermon Series from earlier this year as research and inspiration. The series is titled "Generations" I'm listening to it trying to see how God's design for "church" can be reflected within the two service formats I produce weekly.

I'll share my notes here with you as I review the series.
Some are "quotes" some are paraphrases of thoughts, followed by my own personal reflection.

You can get the talk, for free via itunes podcasts

Generations: Would you Like Another Family?
Original teaching date: January 4, 2008
Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture, will praise you forever; from generation to generation we will recount your praise. Psalm 79:13NIV

God has a plan that life and love and wisdom and especially knowing Him should be passed on from one generation to the next.

There are a lot of churches that age and die, there are some new churches where everybody is young and they all know the same songs but they are prone to lack part of the "family".
There are not very many churches that are flourishing, growing, multi-generational communities. We have a lot to learn.

How can a church really be a family?

Look at 3 critical moments in the history of the family

Moment One: The Creation of family
The family is God’s idea
His design included the addition of a stranger who was a lot of work, very needy and self absorbed. It will grow be more work and just when they’re mature and capable of contributing they are going to move away. :-)
The concept of family is NOT a cultural artifact, it’s not just a biological mechanism. It is a divinely ordained idea created by God to be a reflection of his character and a manifestation of his Kingdom and the vehicle of grace.

Moment Two: When sin enters and breaks the family God designed.
Genesis is the story of families. Violence, Blame, deceit, shame, violence, unresolved conflict played out in the context of family. It is through brokenness that God is seeking to work out his redemptive plan. We are all broken and in need of God's redemption and plan.

Moment Three: God through Jesus redefines family in the church.
Mark 13:12-13 "Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." All who love God and want to be part of the family are.

Personal Reflection: The church should reflect these qualities, we should reflect His character, manifest His kingdom, be the vehicle of grace. We should acknowledge all our brokenness and our need for God and we should realize that we have never looked into the eyes of a human being for whom Jesus did not die.

Considering:
"I have in mind something deeper than the simplification of our external programs, our absurdly crowded calendars of appointments through which so many pantingly and frantically gasp. These do become simplified in holy obedience, and the poise and peace we have been missing can really be found. But there is a deeper, an internal simplification of the whole of one's personality, stilled, tranquil, in childlike trust listening ever to Eternity's whisper, walking with a smile into the dark." - thomas kelly (props to Kyle Welstad)

Learning:
Silence rarely means "yes"
Saw this happen in my life and others... someone 1 shared a great idea with someone 2. Someone 2 didn't reply, someone 1 moved ahead. Now there's conflict and a stall moving the right direction.

Someone 3/and me think someone 5 is capable of a new more challenging role. Someone 5 doesn't write or call or show up.

Someone (me) is asked to do something. Because I don't like a portion of it, I don't do it. Instead of discussing the issue, I stall.

Someone (me) summons the courage to share my heart with someone 6 via an email to begin an important conversation. No response.
Silence rarely means "yes"

Choose:
A friend said to me this week "people need two things:
to be understood
to feel appreciated.
At the end of a meeting this week "a shot was fired across the bow" questioning my motives. It undid me. If I had to choose, I'd choose being understood.

Prayer Request:
Now what?
I'm looking around to see what God wants me to do, day in and day out, week in and week out that will have more impact for the Kingdom.

Contradiction:
I'm impulsive yet I hate when plans change.
Am supposed to have Thursday pm - Sunday off this weekend. It didn't work out. Internally this rocked me. I sincerely love my work but my whole self was ready for one thing and now there's a change. Is this a sign of aging? I don't want to get rigid.

Adventure:
Going to try this recipe this weekend... http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_108367,00.html

Challenged:
Two trips to the healer with Abby. Feel a tug on me to explore more bio-medicine and good health practices. But that means I'd have to live differently.

Found:
Milos' Cafe on 14th and Broadway. Had lunch there with Laura yesterday. Chicken Piccatta to die for... for less than $9. (Speaking of things I don't want to give up).
</a

I'm perplexed today.
Growing up I was taught to believe that "something" was really not ok.
Yesterday, I experienced that "something" and a new world is open to me.
I have so many questions.

The "something" was a trip to the chiropractor for one of our daughters.
I went in very skeptic, but her dance instructor strongly recomended treatment for ongoing back and leg pain because Abby's been unable to participate at times this term in dance and it's recital and audition season.

The Dr. (do you call them that?) spent about 90 minutes with us, getting to know Abby, listening, exploring her whole life, counseling, explaining.
It was the kind of Dr. appointment you dream of.
He did ultrasound on a surgical scar on her belly which immediately gave her some relief and more range of motion. He did some snap crackle popping (minimal) which resulted in her feeling loose/better and her legs being more even in length. It's hard to argue with bedside manner, beautiful kicks and apparent results.

He seemed to want to distance himself from the general impression of chiropractics and said to think of him as more of a physical therapist and osteopath. I wondered if they "all" say that. He suggested that she might need 4-6 sessions, not a 12 or a lifetimes worth... this was one of my concerns going in.
My kids have (thank God) been very healthy, so my impression of our primary care physician is somewhat tainted by somewhat rushed, unfamiliar moments for sports physicals or minor infections where medicine is prescribed and works.
The "healer" prescribed more protein in our vegetarian's diet.
It all seemed so much more natural/healing, more intuitive.
His name, Dr. Brian Baisinger, Clearwater Chiropractic, downtown.

So, I'm asking all of you...
What's your experience been with Chiropractor's?
What's the downside?
Any cautionary tales?

Thanks to Twitter, Guy Kawaski and I are now tweets.
When I was catching up this morning on the twits I saw this:
guykawasaki If you own an iPod, check this out: http://podcasts.alltop.com/
Well, being the hardcore podcast girl I am, I checked out a couple new ones today.

Manager Tools- (41:07- listened while running errands today)
Tools for an Effective Manager - Simple, but good.
From my vantage point I'd say that most people in ministry don't get adequate management training so this might be a great weekly sharpening of your skills. Nothing earth shattering in todays post on Interview Results Meetings but definately a process defined which I'll use in the future. And, the good thing about a podcast is that you can load old episodes, so it can be situational listening when needed.

NPR: In Character (8:50- listened to while grocery shopping)
Series exploring famous American fictional characters.
Ear candy. Not a must listen to, but enjoyable.
Today's interview was with Eric Cartman: South Park Character. I've avoided South Park, even though Chris finds it hysterical. The podcast explored the birth of South Park, character development of Eric i.e. it's not ok for him to be a murderer but maybe to make chili out of someone who was already dead???? It is SouthPark after all.
For someone like me who loves pop culture, this one is fun. Other characters explored... Jack Bauer, Walter Middy, Hester Prynne, Darth Vader and Cookie Monster.

Madonna
Notorious for reinventing herself, since I was in college wearing black jelly bracelets, I've always thought she was smart- in addition to lots of other things.
A couple of weeks ago I heard that Madonna (48) has partnered with Justin Timberlake (28) and Timbaland (32) on her new album.
So, if you were nearing 50 and wanted to make a hit record (yes they still call them that) what else would you do but partner with the youngest and best people in the business.

Last night at our staff dinner I looked around the room and thought of Madonna- ever so briefly- between laughs.



I believe I work with the best of the best, nearly all of them younger.
Now, best in my line of work is a little different than in Madonna's I am so blessed to be living this season of ministry with this group of people who I love, respect, am challenged by and enjoy!

On the other hand... it's just beginning to sink in what it means to be older among them. What do/should I contribute?
When should I listen, watch and learn.
Definately glad I lost the black jelly bracelets.

A while back I posted about an opportunity that might come my way... it was the Mother Ship post. You may have guessed, the "Mothership" is WillowCreek Community Church.

In February I attended training for another Willowcreek Event and saw the Exec Producer of the Global Summit, we exchanged "hello's" and "wish we had more time to talks" as he was up to his ears in producing the event. I can relate!

Then, today, an email arrives with travel dates and confirmation that I am on this new team of theirs. I don't have alot of details to share yet but thought a post would be the fastest way to let my friends/family know the news.

Here's some info:
Sunset has hosted a satellite broadcast of the Leadership Summit for 8 years and I've served on the team as producer each year. This event has been a highlight of my ministry leadership development as I have learned from both the content of the conference AND from working with the Summit production team from Willow AND as I've had to lead our team through the production of the event. In short I HEART the Summit!

The Summit went global a few years ago, meaning they translate the Summit in to native languages in something like 80 locations around the world then they add local worship teams and hosts and have their own Summit. This fall, I will be volunteering internationally at one global Summit location somewhere in the world.
My job will be to shepherd their production and tech team through their first Leadership Summit.

This blows my mind as I type this.

Why is this such a big deal?
I feel so completely drawn to this work and so utterly incapable of accomplishing the task. The tension of those two things is exhilarating.

I feel a strong call on my life to use my gifts and experience to serve other churches. I remain a small church girl. I have never wanted to move up in ministry but have recently felt such a push to spread out or be available to serve smaller churches, younger leaders. This opportunity will give me the chance to do this in a very challenging and exciting environment.

It also honestly feels like a confirmation/culmination of many years of submitting to where God planted me. I lived through several seasons of ministry where I just showed up every day and did my best with what I had in a world I knew next to nothing about, the technical realm, and over time I learned a couple things... mostly how not to panic, how to reboot and how to find (and hopefully keep) good people who did know something about all those gadgets. I know today that this experience is why Larry has extended me this rare invitation as a woman with no real technical skill. Wow, how's that for a resume. :-)

Shout to the Lord on American Idol...
What do you think?
There's definately a buzz around this...
the cynic in me, and she's very tiny remembered a friend telling me that Hollywood hires Christians to consult on programming...

But, the programmer in me who loves Jesus remembers Nancy Beach's comments at an Arts conference years ago which ignited a smoldering fire in me for the Arts.
A paraphrase is this... God is going to build his church. If we church artists don't get out there in the real world and use our gifts for His glory, He's still gonna keep building His church. What a shame that we don't commit ourselves as artists to releasing the art within, in relevant ways to partner with Him to build the church.



So, what did you think?

I’ve been watching my girls become women lately.
As this is occurring we’ve been butting heads some. Quibbling over stuff. I feel a sense of urgency to make sure they’ve learned everything from me before they “arrive” as women.
I want them to understand and carry forward the things that matter to me… the gift of noticing things- a person, God at work, personal growth, the value of simplicity, the beauty of feminine strength and to recognize the stench of the enemy.

In my mind, these lessons are taught in peaceful conversations over tea filled with laughter and love. More often, in reality, these are worked out in stressful conversations in the car or grocery story line or via text as I try to mold them into… me?

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to see them in action and I am so proud and humbled by who they are, not who I have tried to make them to be. The setting is silly, but today I am grateful for the glimpse.

After school Molly sculpted a mask.
On the way home she and I stopped for a couple of groceries.
When I got in the car, I threw the bag in to the back seat destroying the mask.
It was a total, horrible accident.

Molly could have spent the next hour being rough on me, instead she was forgiving and careful in the midst of real personal frustration and disappointment.
She was encouraging, tender, relational, creative, careful… beautiful.

Abby agreed to be the model for the second project, not because she wanted to, but because we asked. Abby was giving, patient, adaptable, communicative, funny…beautiful.

So, I’m sitting in the Social Security office.
It’s crowded.

There’s one powerstrip here.
I asked the security guard if I could sit on the floor and plug in.
His very polite replyf: “You cannot use government electricity.”

I smiled and said ok, thank you

Then I sat down and wondered…. Don’t I pay for that?

I'm really not a shopper... really.
But today's adventure seemed blog worthy.

Went to a store for a gift in the $20-30 dollar range.
(Found it with only 1 or 2 phone calls to confer with Jos)

On the way back to the counter was distracted by a cute shirt.
(Have a reimbursement check in my purse for the same amount, so try it on, love it, walk to the counter)

Realize I've left the gift at the dressing room counter.
Return to counter, pick up gift from floor.
Pass a clearance rack.
(3rd in line on my weakness list following warm chocolate chip cookies with milk/ice and coupons)

Pick up a cheap item.
(2nd shirt if you're counting)

In line with gift, two shirts and notice customer ahead of me with a coupon.
Turns out, If I spend $100 (which I never do) I can save $25.
(reminder- I LOVE COUPONS!)

Hmmm... what's a girl to do.

Head back to the gift section and get a more expensive/hopefully better "gift" which now will be half off with the coupon and still within the range. Head back to check out counter.
(3rd trip if you're counting)

Do the math quickly am $2 short and so pick up two bags of candy, buck a piece, with a big smile on my face... and a remarkable sense of accomplishment.

Checker does the math, first shirt was MORE on sale than I thought so now I need to spend 11 more bucks.
(Sheer panic)

What would you do?

I, called Mike and asked him if there was anything he needed from this store.
(Involving the husband soothes the buyer's remorse substantially)

Left the store with the following:
Hopefully better gift- twice as expensive theoretically
2 new shirts
a quart of automotive oil
citrus trees for Mike's rig to smell pretty
clearance Christmas gift for a friend
and spending $40 more than I had planned...but saving $25, right?
today... i enjoy being a girl...

Can one of you smarter and/or younger people explain predictive texting to me?
Who says foot more than dont? seriously.

i went to predictive because my daughter thought i was so old school typing one letter at a time. Now, i have to look at what I type faster, so i don't send words that are wrong...

i'm cranky today, huh? this probably should have been a twitter vs. a blog :-)

While we were in California my daughter Molly asked my parents if they were "down"
This began a hightened awareness to the way we twist words, this is nothing new, I did it when I was young.
"gnarly" "bad" "cool" "hot" "sick" "ill" you know what I'm talking about.

Well today... this comes out in USATODAY.
Corporate meetings go 'top-less'
The Los Angeles Times reports that some Silicon Valley companies are holding lap-topless meetings. Workers aren't allowed to use laptops, smartphones and other handheld diversions while they're sitting or standing around the big table, the paper says.
http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/03/corporate-meeti.html

As a woman in business/ministry this makes me cringe.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I wonder what our IT guy would think if he checked my search history and found topless?

Maybe I'll get used to it... but for now, I'm not "down"

Spent the morning Tuesday with 14 2 year olds.
I was nervous/uninterested going in.

What if they didn't like me? Answer: It's not about me.
What do you do with a 2 year old for 90 minutes? Answer: They lead.
The first 10 minutes this thought kept running through my head...
Give me a room full of 40 something engineers anyday vs. this...
Look at the clock... 3 minutes have gone by....
yes... that's bacon... (not really)... yum yum- pretend to eat while dropping the plastic food to your other hand...(I'm kind of good at magic...huh, who knew?)

Wow- there are alot of bellies and plumbers butt showing in this classroom? Maybe suspenders should make a comeback... I kind of miss dressing up my kids when they were little...
2 more minutes have gone by...

But then, as the morning went on, I began to settle in and watch.
It's amazing to me how much of our personality/social order is set at this young age...

There's the girl who talks non-stop, is primarily interested in her own worldview and wants to be the center of whoevers attention she wants at this moment. This person reminds me of myself. Frankly, she's not my favorite :-(

There's one boy who is wearing hightops, gym shorts and a basketball t-shirt. At two he can already dribble a ball better than I can.

There's a boy who cries for maybe... 30 minutes while several big and even a couple little people try to soothe him with one thing or another. He cries through hugs, sitting, standing and playing. His mood affects the room and he's generally unhappy even when doing things which he should be happy doing. He reminds me of people I know, only at his age, he can cry outloud.

There's one quieter girl, who says "excuse me" when she interrupts, is aware of the crying boy and periodically makes a step in his direction to offer some kindness or a distraction, while not demonstrating unhealthy tendancies- she still has her own life. I've always been drawn to this kind of person. She's my favorite.

Wow... 12 minutes have now gone by...

There's the boy who stands in the middle of it all, barely moving, snotty nosed, sucking his thumb, hanging on to his blanket as the worlds whirls by...

There are a few kids who seemed invisible until now... when did they come in the room? Have they really been here all along?

There's one little girl who is in a formal dress, with a sequined purse including lipgloss. She's 2... Lots of the other girls want to play with her. She's not interested. We have nothing in common, I don't think she knows I'm in the room.

This was fun...



One afternoon during our trip I met up with two of my oldest friends...
Barb and I were friends from the playpen era and Jody and I met the first day of Junior High. She was throwing up :-).

Among other things...

I learned about real music (Fleetwood Mac-Rumors), how to hold my breath underwater, was coaxed off the high dive, practiced flipping my hair like Farrah, and owe my nice handwriting to Barb. Her mother also taught me that I had an inside voice and an outside voice... at least she tried.

I learned how to live life a little freer, was given my first driving lesson at the ranch, tasted my first fresh pomegranates, learned about cowboys, horses and branding cattle and how to make it to the toilet before throwing up from Jody.

We three were joined by the next generation of teenage girls at lunch. (Jody and my daughters') The girls are all the age we were when we were friends... that's just about as surreal as it gets!

It was fun to share memories and catch up... though, now that we're old, many of the memories came to mind later that day :-)

I've been dodging this question all day... it's come in several forms... texts, email, face to face... friends, acquaintances and comrades...

The trip was good.
It was great to spend time with the girls, the weather was beautiful, good to see my parents and other family, it was good.

The trip was hard.

I'm drained.
Physically after 12 hours on a bus Sat/Sun.
Emotionally drained after seeing my dad, who is still wonderfully my dad... growing weaker.
Drained watching him work so hard to do real life.
Drained watching my mom take on more and not complain.

I'm frustrated.
Frustrated that I live so far away and cannot be more engaged in day to day life with them when their life is so hard.
Frustrated that we have to say goodbye to the people we love.

I'm challenged.
Challenged that I could be more involved even at a distance than I am, but I'm so self absorbed in this world and prone to forget theirs.
Challenged by the fine line between acceptance and resignation.
Challenged that I cannot seem to find a silver lining in a difficult relationship.

I'm wondering
How in the world I ended up where I am. This happens whenever I go home, I feel like I live a lifetime away. In Paso, they wear plaid cowboy shirts, and write checks for groceries, and ride school buses for 40 minutes to school and aren't all that excited about their small town becoming a wine mecca and a destination.

I'm grateful.
Grateful for the opportunity to spend some real life, real time laughing and talking and crying and being with them.
Grateful for my church which managed change better than my home church, which is likely dying, which breaks my heart.
Grateful for the people there who share real life day in and day out with my parents and carry the load I wish I could.
Grateful for the example my parents continue to set for me of faith and family.
Grateful to be home, while so much of me still feels like it's there.

So, yeah, that's how my trip was...

The promised barbecue...


the new cousins


My dad and Molly... have always had a funny relationship. Let's just say, she wasn't great at taking a joke when she was little... but my dad has always been able to tease her. He makes a face when she says things which "disgust" him... and because he's such a good sport... he took several pics with her trying to get this on camera... gotta love that.


My dad is game! Even a myspace shot!



Leaving my parents was really hard... i live so far away and the opportunities to visit are few and far between. This has been a good and in some ways difficult trip. My dad is better than I expected in so many ways, but also weaker and while the spirit is willing, the flesh is getting weaker. My mom is great, learning to do things she's never wanted to do- driving more, pumping her own gas, the internet!- taking care of so much, it's amazing to watch. I'm really really proud of both of them.

My apologies to my regular readers... it seems that the blog has devolved into a photo journal for Mike and Chris who we miss... here's our day.


Pismo






A normal night at home with the Ferrins... Grandma's tacos and game playing




And a couple of favorites from the day...

ok... so in the last 24 hours I've felt a little bit like I'm in an episode of The Simple Life:

- salivated as my brother marinated tri - tip for a Thursday bbq

- laid out on a driveway


- picked an almond off my Grandfather's tree

- chatted with the neighbors (aka family members) about some shocking vandalism which occurred next door. A 7-up bottle was used to break a mailbox. ** note- Abby picked up the "evidence" and recycled the bottle.

- hung out with these cousins - my brother Jeff's family


- talked to my nephew who recently returned from Iraq and is stationed now at Pearl Harbor.

- listened to too much 70's music on 70's music gear way too loud with my brother as the DJ.


- played with these cousins


- had a barbecue outside in 78 degree weather. Menu: burgers (uncle Don bbq'd, Mom's potato salad, lime jello/pineapple/cottage cheese salad, layered bean dip/chips)

All in all a very good day... feels like summer- beach tomorrow.